When I finally look up the lyrics of the song

給我重來的力量
不管傷多深

只要我們還願意就有可能

帶著重來的渴望

坦然過去的悲傷
每個懂愛的人

一定也懂得等
等那值得的人
直到最愛的人

I guess you can interpret this song differently

Depending on your situation and experiences.

I've read the lyrics many many times

Still I cannot be sure of its meaning.

But to me, this song tells me one thing.

And I believe that one thing, is true for everyone.

When you come across something you needed to hear

Even if it's in the most random places

You know it is no mere coincidence.

"饒恕是一份很難的功課。

饒恕絕對不是遺忘，

相反的，你必須一一面對過去的傷害，

一一的原諒。

對於一個沒有經歷到神的愛的人來說，

這無疑是一種二次傷害。

因此許多人只是選擇遺忘，

假裝自己已經原諒了，

但其實心裡面累積很多傷。

真正的饒恕，

並不是一般人印象中的以高姿態來原諒別人，

而是先要承認自己軟弱受傷，

沒有能力原諒，

再為他們，也為自己，祈求天父的赦免，

這樣神的愛才能進到你受傷之處，

在醫治的同時，也使你得著饒恕他人的能力。"

I asked the Lord to open my eyes -

He gave me an angel.

A man dressed not in splendor

But in rags and poverty.

"I tell you the truth,

whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine,

you did for me." - Matthew 25:40

Close my eyes to everything insignificant

Close my ears to every lie and deceitful tongue

Close my eyes to the glamor of this world

Close my heart to every short-lived desire and feeling

Open my eyes to Your kingdom

Open my ears to cries and despair

Open my eyes to Your people in the corners of the streets

Open my path to people unseen, unheard of, uncared for

I want to be clean

I want Your heart

I want Your love overflowing

I want to trade all my sorrows for Your promises

I don't want to walk alone.

I don't want to fear

I want a fearless heart

I want Your armor

I want to forgive

I want Your protection

I want compassion and mercy

I want to be sent.

I want to bind up the brokenhearted

To pour oil of gladness.

I want You. So much of You.

I need You to walk with me everyday.

Three weeks went by exceptionally fast

So much has happened, so much has changed

And it felt like I've been thrown into a washing machine

Twisted, churned, stretched

While being cleaned in the process.

For the first time in my life

I felt as if I'm truly on my way.

Leaving my dorm today

Walking into the evening crisp

I suddenly remember what my friend told me:

"Vancouver grows on you."

He said that this city isn't glamorous

The city doesn't lit up at night

But it's peaceful.

And today I've had a taste of that.

You can't embrace the present

If you don't let go of the past.

For a long time I had no space for the present

The gift of today

Because I held the past as who I am.

I recall a conversation I had with a friend when I first moved here

We wondered if we were in the right place

If we were where we are supposed to be

What does God have in mind?

Friend, I want to tell you

As someone told me recently:

"It seems to me, you are exactly where you are supposed to be."

I often dwell upon "what-ifs"

What if I do this in tomorrow?

What if I did that in the past?

Those two questions begin the same

But carry much different values.

Time waits for nobody.

I vaguely remember the last sentence of the Great Gatsby:

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

And that's the tragedy -

Time goes one way.

There is a time to hold on

But there comes the time to let go

Only then can you run, only then can you soar

And see how far you can go.

I watched as the trees change their colors

As the leaves hang lifelessly down

I watched as leaves pile up beneath the tree

There is beauty in every stage of its life.

And when all else fades, my soul will dance with You

Where the love lasts forever

神關起一扇門，祂必開一條新路

I've developed a new fascination for coffee

And a new enjoyment in coffee talks since I came to this city.

You really get a lot out of these conversations over coffee

I guess that's because you are not going to take out your phone and text

While somebody tells you about their breakups.

You're not going to think about what you are going to cook for dinner

When someone asks you about your life aspirations.

When you sit down and really talk to someone

You give them your 100% attention

Perhaps occasionally you might get distracted by the hair in their eye

Or the way they tap their finger over the coffee table.

But ultimately, you take in their every word.

I am amazed at how God works.

How He places different people in your life

In different times to teach you different things.

I guess it's kind of like cooking...

You can't learn how to serve you food

Before you learn how to cook

You can't learn how to cook your fish

Without first learning how to clean your fish.

And if you are into fishing...

You can't learn how to clean your fish

Unless you've learned how to fish.

Like everything else

There is a time for everything.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Notice it wasn't joyful in affliction

Nor was it faithful in affliction.

Patience.

Patience is what I need.

我並不知道上帝會如何安排我生命的劇本，

但我知道祂會帶領我一步一腳印。

這種內心的平安，是再多的金錢也買不到的。

回顧過去一千多天，上帝確實狼狼地修理了我，

祂給予我這場放逐，無非要我找回自己的心。

心跟上帝早已緊扣，我再也不害怕，再也不膽怯，我要活出真正的自己。

活出生命更高的價值，不要扭曲自己奉迎這個世界。這是我對上帝的承諾。

- 鄭秀文的見證

There lies the difference between someone who knows God,

Someone who loves God and someone romanced by God.

Coming to this city far away from home

Far away from everything that defines me

I'm reconstructed.

But I am not starting from zero

There is a part of me that was and will never be again.

A part of me that is comfortable and safe

But to remain there means no growth.

I've learned a lot about myself

And who I am when I'm stripped of everything I take as my identity.

I am not the valedictorian here.

I do not get the highest grades.

I am not the smartest

I don't always say the right things or get the right answer.

I forgot how to do logarithms.

I only know about 0.1% of the population of my school

I have never BEEN to my whole school.

The people I have learned to be so reliant on

The people who hold me together

Have yet to learn to hold themselves.

Sometimes I wonder am I where I'm supposed to be?

Yet again and again, yes is the answer.

And I realized coming away is the only way to know myself again.

Contrarily to what many people think

Going back has become an escape for me

It means I have not the courage to unveil myself

To know who I really am.

You got to believe it's going to worth it in the end...

你是否願意相信

每時每刻都在我手裹

沒有事情 是太早或是太遲

日光之中

人流離在多變世俗裡

容我寧靜，聽候在你的跟前，
一心一意，願尋求你的旨意。
藏你懷內，看萬事變得空虛光輝不再，
願我此刻知你是神，願我得享安息，在你手裡。

I need You to tell me that I'm lovely

I need You to show me that You love me

I need to be sure that You won't leave me for someone else

I need You to be honest with me

I need You to hold me at night

I need You to never leave me, never break Your promises

I need You to wipe away my every tear

I need You to touch me where it hurts

I need You to take my heart away from me

I need You to carry me

I need You to tell me that I'm beautiful

I need You to never let go of me

This week has been a roller coaster.

Yet as much as I hate to be on one

I am not alone on this roller coaster.

You can tell me that life is hard -

Living behind bars of lies and insecurities

Straining to be freed from bleeding wounds

And everyday not a hint of a better tomorrow.

But every curse is a blessing.

The rainbow comes after rain

And with every living wound

Comes the hope of healing.

Vulnerability is not frailty.

It's not failure.

It's beauty.

It's every woman.

It' me.

It's my heart.

They say what doesn't break you only makes you stronger

But my heart will always remain vulnerable.

Because when my defense is down

When I'm helpless and needy

I remember and know that the Lord is good.

That the Lord is faithful.

And the Lord is my only source.

One by one

He frees me from these chains.

Like plucking a sword from my wound

It's horribly painful.

But pain is only momentary.

Refinement is eternal.

And these ashes will be transformed.

I know Your fire can hurt

But I would be worse here without You

My Lover is very romantic.

He prefers quiet and still wind over blasting thunder.

He prefers conversation in showers, morning walks and daydreams.

Sometimes he speaks through a youtube song

That was originally intended for two young lovers.

Sometimes he speaks through a desktop calendar

With random verses on random days.

But each and every time

He speaks to my heart.

The part of my heart that the world cannot see.

The part that the world rejects.

The part that society condemns.

The part that words can never speak for.

When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile...

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong and take heart

And wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain."

- Emily Dickinson

還是好朋友, 比愛人長久

不能牽的手按在心頭


在最寂寞的關頭, 永遠在左右


事過情遷後, 昇華眼淚後


思念是最漫長的享受

那無痛的傷口, 還帶著溫柔到白頭

親吻失去感受, 火花燒到盡頭 


沒激情, 有感情, 有另一種邂逅


相愛這一場, 可能是為了能擁有一個好朋友

I love how wherever you go

You can make small talks with complete strangers

And they will share bits and pieces of their life with you.

I guess Hong Kong people are just too busy for that.

Sitting in front of Zeller today

I got to talk with this woman who also used to go to UBC.

She has a degree in psychology

Worked with the Ministry of Social Work for a few years

And is now a stockbroker

Loving every minute of it.

I never got to know her name

But it's almost as if she was sent

To show me a shadow of the race that I wanted to run.

Yet she's so much ahead in the game

That she has decided to run a different course.

A course that is not so much unfamiliar to me.

This past week has definitely been very frustrating

Trying to get into the classes that I want to take

Yet as frustrating as it had been,

I'm starting to see that hand that is behind it

The hand that is directing me to a completely new horizon

The hand that has promised to hold me no matter what.

I've learned one thing about trust.

Trust is a constant that never changes

No matter how unreasonable things might seem

How outrageous reality seems to be

You trust that He knows better.

University is such a humbling experience.

You're not any better than other people

Who got into the same school with the same average.

They are there with as much qualifications as you have

Some, with even greater abilities, greater vision.

And you feel very small, very insignificant

To the point of being useless.

But I refused to be put down

To let these voices in my head

Tell me what I cannot do.

A calculus question that takes my neighbor 2 minutes to do

I might take 12.

But I will work at it

I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

Going from an entire high school of 200 students

To one math class of 200 classmates

I'm suddenly minimized.

Minimized but not dismissed.

I'm still that Daddy's little girl

Frightened yet amazed at the world's horizon.

The world is so big -

Dreams, ever possible in all dimensions.

I'm suddenly a fish in the sea

No longer swimming in the fish tank.

But even the waves obey my God

Whom shall I fear

When He is for me.

100th Post

What does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

Blessed are all who fear the Lord,

Who walk in his ways.

唯你有永生江河

除你以外不倚靠別個，
我究竟算甚麼

神你竟這般顧念我。

What did you do to the world that I thought I knew?

For the past few days, I've done a lot of lying

When it comes to the question: "How's it going?"

"Great" is usually my reply.

But "great" is as meaningless a reply as the question itself.

I found myself questioning God a lot lately.

My presence in this side of the world is unexplained

And the reason why I am here remains a lingering question.

Moving in my dorm has definitely been very, very eye opening.

For the first time in my life,

I feel as if I am truly seeing the world at its real visage.

And yet I am still only touching the surface.

Perhaps this is why I am here

To stir up what's extinguished in my heart

From among the needy.

"Jesus came to seek and save the lost."

I'm trying really hard to cling onto what I know

That includes people from my past

But that's like rock climbing without a safety belt.

I never understood what a leap of faith meant

Until now.

What it means to be a city on top of a hill

For all my life, the narrow road is to fit in

Now, the narrow road is to be different

And to stand up for what you know to be right.

I watch as people I know fall away

Like withering leaves

They fall and are crushed.

I watch as people I know to be my companions

Choose another path to take.

Nothing - but His word is certain.

Nothing - but His promise is refuge.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength"

It's 10:02

I remember Mrs. Stephens once said worship can come in many form.

For some, it's painting.

For some, it's singing.

For some, it's dancing.

For me, it's writing.

Sipping my newly favored Mocha in a downtown Tim Hortons today -

Surrounded by tables of Koreans

I found yet another paradox.

The chocolate and coffee blend

Is much like life.

There's bitter in sweetness

Sweet in bitterness.

You'd never feel as protected and as loved

As when you are alone, lost - overwhelmed.

You'd never need to follow blindly and faithfully

If you always knew where you were going.

You'd never know the need of a Savior

If you were never in a position unable to save yourself.

I'm never the person to think life is simple

But my God is not a god of complications.

I may not know which direction to go

But take my hand and show me the way home.

Carry me through, embrace me and never, ever let me go.

Drown me in Your presence.

Romance me, dance with me and sing to me.

I'm thinking that this baggage on my back is weighing me down

And it's becoming harder and harder to lift up my foot.

Why, walking has become strenuous.

And I'm tired of chasing pavements.

Strings of attachments have turned me into a puppet

And it's time to let go.

Lose what you cannot keep and keep what you can never lose.

天旋或地轉經滄海歷桑田，都不能叫我與你愛隔絕。