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Apr 23, 2011
Feb 9, 2011
Lately I found myself drawn to my corner of distrust.
In truth, so much has been happening -
Not just in my life, but around me.
Looking back, it feels as though I have been here for years already
I would love to write down everything that is happening
But words cannot contain what's in my heart.
Words can no longer keep up with this whirlpool of thoughts.
In journalism class, we talked about the public space on the internet.
And one of the ideals of the internet is that it's accessible.
But lately...
I just want to retrieve.
Jan 28, 2011
2+2=4
Today the question to my heart was answered.
And for...not the first time in my life,
I feel a wee-bit stupid about being a human.
But I've learned that our stupidity only reflects His wisdom
As greater, as better, as...well sweeter.
For the first time listening to the words:
"You're the constant of my equation,
The never changing lover of my soul..."
I realize I am the passive receiver of this never changing love.
It is not that I will never change - although I wish that was the way I am.
But the truth is, the never changing love is more from Him to me
Than it is from me to Him.
And I needed to know this.
Because that assures me something I thought I've always knew...
that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ.
What part of nothing do you not understand?
Sometimes I think we find it so hard to believe
Because this simple truth is too good to be true.
But hey, that's as true as 2+2=4.
You can tell me the answer is 5...
But your opinion does not change the truth He has whispered into my heart.
Jan 27, 2011
O Envious One
To love and not be loved in return -
That pain, that agony, that jealousy
How do You stand it?
How do You stand my faithlessness?
How do You do still remain so faithful, so loving...
So in love with someone as unworthy as me?
Why do I settle for a flower when I can enjoy the whole garden?
I think somewhere along the road,
I lost count, I lost beat, I lost the rhythm.
I lost sight of Your eyes.
I look back to the days of my youth
And know for a fact that it is by Your love that I'm still here
It is by Your grace that I can still love.
I can forgive.
Can my heart cry any louder -
All that I want is to sit at Your feet
And nothing more.
Let my heart rest...
At the sound of Your heartbeat.
Jan 22, 2011
Today I had an Apple
It was a huge Fuji apple.
I peeled it with full anticipation -
It looked juicy, delicious and sweet.
I took a few big bites and they were satisfying.
After a bowl of oatmeal,
This apple was almost like an oasis in the desert.
Until I reached the core.
It was rotten and grey.
I did not see that it was rotten
And so I devoured bits of the rotten core.
It was bitter and so revolting that I had to spit it out.
The first thing that I checked was to see if a worm will come out of it
Like they do in children books...
But this got me thinking a lot of things.
I hated that feeling when I found out this seemingly delicious apple
Is rotten in the core.
I tasted betrayal, disappointment and...
I wondered how He feels
When He looks down and see hands raising up high
When we walk around with our cross necklaces
When we greet each other in church
I wonder what He sees when He looks beyond all that I do, all that I say
I hate to be found rotten in the core
So bitter that I have to be spat out.
I want to be an apple that's real, inside and out.
And I hope that you delight in me
A sweet aroma pleasing to You.
He is jealous.
Every time my heart beats with unfaithfulness,
He is jealous for me.
Every time my eyes look elsewhere
He is jealous for my heart.
I don't think I realize
To what great extent He is ravished by me.
Every time I think something else can make me happy
I forget the One who can complete me, altogether.
There is nothing else I need
Nothing that can satisfy me.
Nothing that can quench the longing of my heart.
Take my heart, sweet me off my feet
Steal my heart and make it beat for You.
I don't want to settle for good
When I can have the taste of best.
I was made to walk with you in the cool of the day
Let me be found doing just that.
Jan 15, 2011
All things come to an end.
The banana that I'm eating will eventually just be a banana peel
The pink highlighter that I'm using will eventually dry out.
I will eventually be dust.
What doesn't come to an end?
A circle.
This post reflects exactly the state of my mind
Whatever you think that is.
I feel a little bit stupid
But at least you can't say I didn't try.
Jan 11, 2011
Jan 7, 2011
After Everything...
I realize the deepest human cry is to be romanced by the King of the Ages
To dance through the night after His lead
And getting lost in His eyes.
These repetitive trips of coming and going has left me a little tired
Life to me has never been so fleeting, so inconstant.
For all my life, I knew what to expect.
I knew the people I would see when I wake up
All the places I would go to make life "normal".
I don't even know what normal is anymore.
Where is home? Is it still as physical as home can be?
I'm not so sure.
All I know is that in this life, many things will fade away.
"Melodies and harmonies will change...but I'm hearing a new song"
I knew this song when I was very young, perhaps when I was in 7th grade.
But I never understood it.
I never knew You have a love song.
I never knew of Your beauty.
I never knew You are so passionate for me.
I never knew life is a dance
And how much You want to take the lead
Bring me to places I cannot imagine with my best imaginations.
The more I grow up, the more I realize growing up means letting go.
Letting go of the past, letting go of "what-if's"
And embracing the what is.
Hong Kong, full of people - but so empty.
Empty lives pass by Central, they aren't just in the street corners,
But in the life of the city.
Empty stares, empty smiles.
I realize I fear just...living life.
I don't want to just live through this life.
I don't want to bear the days I'm given.
I want to really live.
To breathe every breath with a meaning.
I don't want to just graduate, get a job, get married, have kids and die.
I don't want to just live.
How much more emphasis can I place on that statement?
I watched "Going the Distance" on my way back to Vancouver.
Thinking back to such a...foul movie
I realize how much this relationship with Jesus is like a long-distance relationship.
To embrace intimacy, to pursue satisfaction
At least one person has to give up everything to chase the other person
But what happens when one person gives up everything
Is that she eventually resents him for making her do that.
But my Lover...well my Lover gave up Himself for me.
Before I knew him, before I loved him back - He died for me.
He loved me with an everlasting Love.
He gave up everything to chase me.
I'm not giving up to get nothing in return.
I'm giving up everything to have Him.
I'm giving up everything to have everything.
When you truly love someone, there is no holding back.
To go that distance, it's almost like you need to close your eyes and fall back.
Knowing that what you fall back to is His hands, His arms.
Don't ever let go my Jesus.
"In You, I find my all and my emptiness"
Yeah, it's ironic - but it all makes sense.
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