something shiny caught my eye
on my very last dive
when i was scavenging
i found an open clam shell
with the insides pearly and white
reflecting the sunlight above the sea
the clam itself had probably been eaten by a lobster or a crab
and what had been left was a large dab of the angel-white substance
resembling a heart-shaped giant and flat pearl
i dived down and reached it
delighted
the insides of the clam shell were so beautiful
like something pure and alive in the blue-green corals
shining
a star in the deep
i held onto it firmly with my right hand
deciding to to bring it home as a souvenir for mom
or for us to remember underwater langkawi
when it was time to go up
i was near the surface
ascending
looking down, with the clam shell in my hand
satisfied
couldn’t wait to show-and-tell the people in the boat
1 meter away from the top
suddenly an urge inside forced me to drop it
as if it is what i should and must do
as if i couldn’t help but let go
even though i wanted it so much
so much
my right palm slowly unfolded
a will of its own
i watched the treasure drop
and drop
… and drop
until it reached the bottom
about 15 meters down
mesmerized
why?
this time a voice inside me spoke
that quiet, mysterious voice
always uttering paradoxes
then i knew
that just as the treasures of the ocean are not ours to remove
or control
or take at will
my life is also not mine to control
earthly treasures
possessions
life itself
no matter how much you value it
how important it means to you
for things such as these
the big lesson is and has always been
to let go
- Johanna Ma
