"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are my ways higher than your ways

And my thoughts than your thoughts."

I'm not too sure who follows this blog -

But for those who do and have gotten a strange Facebook message from my friend regarding my mom, I shall tell of God's sovereignty.

On thursday night I got a call from my aunt who said that my dad could not find my mom in Taiwan. Her plane should have landed at around 7pm Vancouver time but we could not contact her for three - almost four hours. My aunt kept calling to see if I heard anything from my dad and my mind began to race - I began to cry. In between my tears I tried to pray. In between my wild imaginations, I knew there was a small voice in my head - "Be still and know that I am God". But being still was the last thing I could do that night. For almost an hour there was nothing from my mom nor my dad and my head went through all the possibilities as to why my mom is missing. As my friend was praying with me, I found myself struggling to say I trust you God. After my friend pray, I started to pray. I don't remember what I prayed but I do remember at the moment I said "Lord I trust you, you know what you are doing" - the moment after that my dad called on the other line and my mom asks, "Why are you still awake, don't you have an exam tomorrow?" Thank you dear friend, your prayers are powerful =)

For the second time that day, I found myself speechless before the Lord. Looking back, I feel bad for having so many people worried for me. But because of this incident, I am brought to humility before others and most importantly - before Him. What do I know of faith? What do I know of God's wisdom and his plans? Who am I to question Him, who am I to worry? That night I could not go to sleep and at around 12:00am I received an email. It's an email from a daily devotions I subscribed to a long time ago. For some reason they stopped sending me daily devotions but on this particular day I received an email from them. The topic of day was "Do not worry". I cannot explain to you how I felt at that moment, but my heart leaped. I was afraid - at the power of God, at his sovereignty and at his never failing protection over me. Fear in the Lord comes with reverence; it comes with understanding and seeing His nature and his might. When you see the Lord for who he is, you should fear. Moses fell on his knees before the consuming fire. But to know that this almighty God loves us, to know that he still loves me even after I have proved myself so unfaithful, so doubtful - that is too much for me to understand. To love someone so imperfect as me...only God can do it.

In times of trouble, God looks for a still heart. Man looks at actions, the Lord looks at our hearts. It took my dad almost an hour later to find my mom, it took me almost an hour later to place my trust in Him. But hey, who else do you trust, if not the God of this universe, the God who holds all things?

The God who will always, always, always be faithful.

If only you knew...

How violently, how radically, how powerfully

He is in love with us, ravished by our hearts

Drawn to our presence.

How he is jealous of you

How much he desires you

If only you knew...

That this is forever

This is a promise, a commitment that runs through eternity.

Then your life would never be the same again.

A friend once asked me who I miss the most being away from home.

My initial response, of course, was my parents.

But as the day of departure is drawing closer

I'm giving that question a second thought.

Not to say that I miss my parents any less

But friends, faces...

Faces flashed in the back of my head -

Faces I had not expected to come up.

In fact, I had not been thinking of these faces in awhile...

But as they flash before my eyes, there was a warm bubbling feeling.

A feeling of excitement, anticipation and yearning.

And I've come to prove the old saying

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

As I try to draw out the details of these faces,

I tried to recall the last time I talked to them.

It's been so long...

I have never been a huge fan of...technology.

I think many of you have heard me say that life is better without Facebook.

I think nowadays, keeping in touch has become so easy that the meaning is lost.

It used to be just...keeping in touch, with the people you really want to keep in touch.

With such a wide web of connections, it's almost like you're obliged to keep in touch

With, well, literally everyone you once knew.

But as I pondered over these faces,

Warm memories swarmed in my mind.

And I realize, you don't need to talk all the time with your friends.

You don't need to do anything, so deliberately - not saying effort isn't required.

But a friendship goes both ways

When there is a mutual anticipation

You can pick up where you had both left off

And nothing would have changed.

It's like trying to hitchhike a ride...

A man of many companions may come to ruin,

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

- Proverbs 24:18.

Here's to my dearly missed family, in blood and in Jesus' blood.

(And to the one sleeping like a swine on my bed...)

Today is one of those days...

Lord, at the end of the day

You know me best.

To think that I have my best interest in mind...

Well well well...what do I know of "best".

To think that I can run after you with all these baggages dragging behind me

What do I know of flying?

What do you know of soaring, my child?

He will fight your storms

All You want is for me to gaze upon your beauty

Not running back and forth

Wondering if you fixed my life for me.

To be lost in your eyes...

遵主命令尋求主面，信主言語靠主宏恩，

一切掛慮全交託主，歡喜等候禱告良辰。

有捨就有得

To gain is to lose

To live is to die

I wish I would die so You can live.

In 22 days, we will need to say goodbye to year 2010.

Looking back, this year is so full of ups and downs

No doubt, it's been a difficult year...

Graduating, going to university, moving away from home

And perhaps losing relationships that have been so dear to me.

But the Lord has been so good, so faithful.

He gives and he takes.

I don't know what else to call this but the path of grace.

The path flowing with his unmerited love, his underserving grace to my life

Every step of the way, he says "My grace is sufficient."

What else do you need?

你是我的主.引我走正義路.

高山或低谷.都是你在保護.

萬人中唯獨.你愛我認識我.

永遠不變的應許.這一生都是祝福.

一步又一步.這是恩典之路.

你愛.你手.將我緊緊抓住.

一步又一步.這是盼望之路.

你愛.你手.牽引我走這人生路.

I don't want to create opportunities anymore

I don't You to come after me.

It's been forever since I've watched a TV show on an actual television. Never would've thought college would deprive me of my TV...of all things. Sitting in front of my aunt's 54 inch plasma television today, flipping through all these foreign channels, I decided to catch an episode of According to Jim.

I started to watch when Ruby decided to go to the dance with her Uncle Andy instead of her father. As a little girl entering her adolescent years, she didn't want her daddy to kiss her when he drops her off at school. She didn't want her father to be her date. The part on the dance was hilarious if you know how Andy is like hahah. Andy was doing his horrific dance while Ruby sits by herself. I have to admit that cracked me up for a long while. Long story short, while Ruby was sulking in her seat, Jim appears in his suit - "I was taking a walk with my suit on, I heard music outside so I came in."

I couldn't help but tear up while watching this. I find myself asking my Daddy, "What are You doing here?" I can just imagine God beating around the bush, not wanting to embarrass my stupidity. What was I thinking - to go without Him, to think that I would take someone better. Jim takes his daughter's hand and starts dancing with her. Soon Ruby's friend came and asks if she wanted to hang out by the fruit punch table (it's a 12 year old party haha). Ruby looked at her daddy and this is what he said to her:

"Go ahead, we've got our whole lives to dance.

But just remember, when you come back - I'll still be here."

My Daddy is just like any other daddy. It's not that he doesn't let me dance with anyone else. I forgot to mention how sad Jim was when he found out his daughter chose Andy over him. Andy is his wife's brother :S He was sad because he had been so excited to share this moment with his daughter - to be her first date to a dance. He wanted to be there with her, to be there for her. What's amazing is that even after Ruby had chosen someone else over him, he went back for her, offering his hand, offering himself.

This is a lifelong dance and He has promised to always be my date.

His faithfulness is not a prison - it's freedom, it's home.

How great it is to know that you can always go back to Him

When you've messed up, when you find yourself sitting alone.

While the world sees a wallflower, He sees a beautiful blooming flower.

How awesome is our Daddy's love?

How unconditional is it? How constant, how unchanging?

Would you dance with me, my beloved?

Would you come away with me?

Daddy take my hand and lead me in this dance.

Today I came across a poem

something shiny caught my eye
on my very last dive
when i was scavenging

i found an open clam shell
with the insides pearly and white
reflecting the sunlight above the sea
the clam itself had probably been eaten by a lobster or a crab
and what had been left was a large dab of the angel-white substance
resembling a heart-shaped giant and flat pearl

i dived down and reached it
delighted
the insides of the clam shell were so beautiful
like something pure and alive in the blue-green corals
shining
a star in the deep
i held onto it firmly with my right hand
deciding to to bring it home as a souvenir for mom
or for us to remember underwater langkawi

when it was time to go up
i was near the surface
ascending
looking down, with the clam shell in my hand
satisfied
couldn’t wait to show-and-tell the people in the boat

1 meter away from the top
suddenly an urge inside forced me to drop it
as if it is what i should and must do
as if i couldn’t help but let go
even though i wanted it so much
so much
my right palm slowly unfolded
a will of its own

i watched the treasure drop
and drop
… and drop
until it reached the bottom
about 15 meters down
mesmerized
why?

this time a voice inside me spoke
that quiet, mysterious voice
always uttering paradoxes
then i knew
that just as the treasures of the ocean are not ours to remove
or control
or take at will
my life is also not mine to control

earthly treasures
possessions
life itself
no matter how much you value it
how important it means to you

for things such as these
the big lesson is and has always been
to let go

- Johanna Ma

Today I came across a very old song on Youtube

A love song that I used to listen to back in grade 8

Before I even knew how to use Youtube.

I remember going from forum to forum searching for this song.

I realized how far we've come.

It seems like forever ago

That I first knew what love was.

It seems too long ago -

That my heart was whole and untainted.

In discovering my purpose,

In living out this life, I find myself afraid of moving forward.

What should I say?

What words can put together the condition of my heart?

But listening to this song again,

I realized what I had not known back then.

This Love that had never, ever left me all these years.

I don't know what it is about me that You love.

But somehow - You never, for a second, thought of leaving me.

You would take me in with my shame.

You don't care the kind of mess I have trailing behind me

You said You'd take all of me.

You don't care where I've been, who I've been with

To the world, I have nothing beautiful to offer to You

But You want my heart.

I'm lost with words.

At how You want to spend lifetime with me.

Why anyone would want to spend every second with me -

Remains a mystery to me.

This heart is not strong, it's porcelain.

Why anyone would bother mending this brokenness

Wiping the tears as they come -

That remains a question without answer.

Why would You give Yourself to someone so careless with herself?

You are more than my reward

More than I will ever deserve.

"See! The winter is past, the rains are over and gone.

Flowers appear on the earth, the season of singing has come,

The cooing of doves is heard in our land.

The fig tree forms its early fruit,

The blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come, my darling,

My beautiful one, come with me."

Jesus take the wheel.

My English prof was sharing what she learned in a psychology lecture the other day.

She talked about how having a wish list in a marriage can rekindle love again.

In most marriages, the fire tends to die down in 10-15 years - so she said.

To rekindle that love again, each spouse should have their own wish list

A wish list to give to your partner.

A man's first wish on his list was to be able to go on a trip, completely spontaneous.

Every time they go on a trip, his wife would make an itinerary of the things they would do.

He wanted to much to be able to just get behind the wheels and drive

Without having a schedule to follow.

What does it mean to follow?

It's not giving Jesus a list of things you want to achieve in life

It's not giving him a list of places you want to go

It's not giving him a list of traits you wish to find in your husband.

It's not giving him anything -

But yourself.

Your presence

And your willingness to go wherever He takes you.

You are to trust your partner enough to let him drive

To know that at the end of the day you are not going to starve

Or sleep on the roadside.

It is to know that you will be provided for, you will be taken care of.

It is to know that he has your best interest in heart.

Complete willingness means you're not going to complain every 5 minutes in the car

Or ask endlessly, "are we there yet?"

I think a lot of it simply means, enjoy the ride.

I trust that You're taking me on an adventure.

I trust that I am safe wherever we are.

I trust that You will not abandon me.

I trust that You will be with me till the end.

It's time to sit back and relax.

It's time to obey and follow.

The world, has nothing for me.

This world has nothing for me.

I will follow You.

I look around and I'm not satisfied.

My heart yearns for a resting place

It is nowhere to be found.

My eyes seek for community.

I see none.

I'm growing numb to indifference.

I'm trying very hard.

But what is grace?

What is grace in your life?

It's there, whether you want it or not.

Grace destroys the effort in trying

Because you can try so hard and still never be able to get there by yourself

Grace is getting what you don't deserve

It's unmerited.

Meaning nothing you can do or don't do

Changes what grace is in our life.

It's constant.

Walk with me in this pool of grace

Teach me how to live in it.

My heart needs an awakening.

"Security is not found in the absence of danger, but the presence of Jesus."