Don't give up 'til you drink from the silver cup

If my life had a soundtrack, you guys will be "Better Together"

My feelings on everything that happened can pretty much be summed up in these two words

I'm not bitter, not mad, not even upset anymore

Because like Josh said, there can be peace.

I found peace in knowing that He's sovereign

I found peace in His wisdom and power.

Teresa you asked me where is God when it hurts

I couldn't tell you then

But now I can.

Now I remember

God is in us when it hurts

His grace is what suffice us

His hand is what holds us

His Word is what guides us

God didn't make this happen

It's just the way this corrupted world runs...

Nothing is fair.

And it wouldn't be free will if he interferes with everything we choose to do

But it's not always going to be like this

Let's just be faithful and patient...until He comes back

There is comfort in knowing that things don't go according to our will

because then...nothing will make sense

Good to know that the all-knowing runs the universe.

Don't frown because it ended, smile because it happened - Dr. Seuss

Don't frown because a new year is coming...smile because we made it. Together.

I couldn't have make it without you guys

I thank God because he put us together

the random-est group of people haha...

I thank God because we're not perfect

because then we can make each other better

When I'm old and wrinkly, I'll look back and laugh

about the police

and now I'll always carry my ID...everywhere...

Whenever I watch Sound of Music...

yeahh...haha anyway

God is so good

Prayer changes things...

but the first thing prayer changes

is our heart.

A Rainy Ending on a Perfect Day

Every now and then, you realize you've made a mistake
It's so easy to trust someone
So easy to give your heart away
Even more easier to trust the wrong person.

Forgiving has never been this difficult
Maybe all I need is time
...maybe not.
But I don't believe that this will never heal.

That's because my God is a Healer.
There's no pain He doesn't know of
No scars He hasn't seen
No tears He can't dry

No one, He can't save.

With rain comes a rainbow.
A dead flower sprouts new life

In His wounds, there is healing.

Gone Too Soon

I saw a bug on my wall today and so I turned to tell my mom to kill it. The next thing I know, it's not there anymore. It dawned on me that there is not grasping onto time. I watched Michael Jackson's "This Is It" last night and I've developed a new layer of appreciation and admiration for this man. It's funny how people would pay their way to the theatres to watch him...only after he's gone. When he's alive and well, people criticize him, say things about him - all out of spite. I've never seen so much passion, so much talent, so much dedication in anyone. Watching him on the screen puzzled me for a minute, it's almost like he never died. Some people are born for the stage - Michael Jackson is definitely one of them. I honestly don't think he's a bad person. In the things he say, the way he directs his dancers, there's humility. I can't stress on how much I think his family and the media has destorted him. Come to think of it, he's only a few days from his last concert. All the hard work and preparation never did have a chance to shed their lights. I'll never understand why he never got the chance to be on the stage in front of his fans again...and I'll never know where he is right now (someday I will) but I guess the lesson of the day is, appreciate what you have before you. Saying this almost sounds cliche. As cliche as it is, it''s true. Like that bug on my wall, I'll probably never see it again...not that I want to. But there are people who we need to appreciate before it's too late for us to.

And because I'm on this Michael Jackson craze, I've been listening to a lot of his songs. I can't deny how inspirational his songs are. There's real impact, real change he's made. He was born to be on the stage, to make a difference. There's no saying whether he died too soon or not, that's not up to us. But one thing that's up to us, is how we want to live the life we're given.

R.I.P. Michael Jackon.

Today,
I learned to shut my mouth and walk away
even when I have every reason NOT to.
The tongue is a powerful thing.
Everyday you see people you wish didn't exist (at least in your world)
You hear things you wish you didnt
You know things that should've remained unknown
You ask yourself, why is she like that?
Why is he like that?
Why are things this way?
Let's learn to ask ourselves...
Why am I like this.
A friend used to always say "it's all in your head"
I'm starting to see some truth in that.

If there is a will, there is a way.
I've always been told
The times you least want to pray
Are the times you most need to pray.
I'd like to say
The times you least want to love
Are the times when love is most needed.
Beneath all the superficiality
Behind all the fake smiles and shallow conversations
Underneath every fault you see
There is something beautiful waiting for a grand discovery

I remember discussing my blog name with Terence once
Beauty in ashes.
We are all nothing but ashes
Beauty isn't so easily found
But I'll look and look past the ashes
Until beauty is found
in you.

If we always get what you want...
where is the longing?
where is the desire?

the beauty of retraining
lies in the reaping
of waiting...waiting and waiting..

patience produces perseverance
sometimes it's better to just wait
because only years of waiting can make you learn
what it means to appreciate
to adore
to love.

separation brings about suffering
but the agony builds character

if we go around looking to satisfy our desires
it will only be an endless journey
because at the deathbed of one desire
springs forth another

it all comes back to surrendering
waiting
hoping
trusting
...and obeying

"if we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul." - Elisabeth Elliot

Under My Umbrella

Rain inspires me to write.

I left school today feeling perplexed. Although the rain wasn't hard, but the walk from school to my bus stop is not so short when raindrops tap endlessly on the head. I ducked from cover to cover until I stopped right in front of Welcome. The option in taking a taxi home isn't so appealing when you can save thirty dollars. So I decided to purchase my first umbrella. I went into Welcome and approached the lady who was ever so helpful in introducing me to all kinds of umbrellas they sell. Half of them have the word Welcome on it. Not very attractive. So I took into my hand, what the lady called a pale yellow child umbrella. Ironically, it was bigger than what I need. The umbrella is also, just right for my height. I walked towards the cashier with a hundred dollar bill. Seeing the line, I had long moments of hesitation. But I guess my phone distracted me long enough. When it was my turn, the lady asked where the price tag was. Funny how the cashier was asking me that. I said I dont know. She said "That's seven ninety".
Wait what?

Seven nineth. $7.90. I paid and left.

For some reason, this umbrella gives me so much satisfaction. It's so true that the weather can affect us a great deal, as Terence said. But I also believe it depends a lot on you. As I began our first journey, I felt genuinely happy. Perhaps because that overcasting cloud over me the past few days is on its way out of my world. I don't know what it is. Sitting in my bus, I stared at that umbrella hanging next to me.

It was just a $7.90 worth of...umbrella. But I felt that it was my prized possession.
I've never owned a personal umbrella. And I realized as I am sitting in front of my computer, typing this, that the first is always the most precious, most memorable. Whatever it is, the first will always be the first. The umbrella now leans by the front door and looking at it gives such a satisfying feeling.

That feeling is so warm and safe. Now I am not a freak.
The umbrella, one way or another, will be in the hands of another person. Or perhaps blown away by a typhoon 8. But...right now it's safe and dry in my apartment. And the first will always be the first. That pale yellow just about describe everything I'm feeling right now. The weather doesn't define your feelings. You define the weather. Sometimes I hate the rain. I hate that wetness you feel in your socks. But today, sitting in my bus, the rain has become my friend.
Maybe because I have a umbrella now :)

This is afterall, a very random post.

The sun's in your heart when you don't see it in the sky

Time is a magical thing...

After seeing Time Traveller's Wife today, wow it made me think so much on my way home. That movie, I got to say, was one of the most impacting movie I've ever seen. Maybe to other people it's just a normal chick flick. Sure enough it was. But well...if you have the ability to travel through time would you really want to see your future? The people you're going to meet, who you're going to marry and when you're going to die? Would you really want to go back to the past, knowing nothing can be changed. For Henry, it isn't a choice. I personally won't want to know my future. I'd like to live it out. I'd like to make a decision without having to know what I've chosen. Uncertainty brings along spices in life. The unknown is what keeps us interested. The ongoing question mark in life is what pushes us forward, seeking for the answer.

By the way, Eric Bana looks a bit like Mr. Schick and Rachel McAdams a LITTLE like Jessica Alba. This is going to stir up a controversy so I'll shut up. So yea I really enjoyed the movie...you just can't NOT cry in these types of movie.

So a little update on my senior life. It has been quite...an adventure. I think to some extent, the title of a "senior" makes people behave differently. Is this what psychology means as the environment forces us to become who we are? - B.F. Skinner :) yay I still remember! But yea it's almost as if this title entitles some people to do just about anything they want. It's strange that for the last year of high school life, you discover things you've never noticed before, especially the things that are most familiar to you for all your life.

Gotta make every moment count they say.

How do you make something count? Time is a magical thing. The more you try to grasp it, the more it slips out of your hand. I think it's safe to say, nothing lasts forever. Nothing but my God. The people you hold so dear today, the people you trust and the people you turn your tears to - one day they will be gone. And I think about my life after high school. I think about the people I turn to whenever I have the lowest days...will there still be talks in the park? Each bus stops, each store, each street holds its own memories. It's strange that the memories you remember most clearly aren't those with lots of laughs and lots of people. What I remember the most is when walking alone gets difficult, someone is there beside you.

Things that used to be so important, lost their appeal. If it means I need to walk out of my way to be a friend, I'll walk away alone. If it means I need to stand alone, I'll stand alone. The world seems very small, when you're stuck in your comfort zone. There is so much to discover when you're willing to turn your head around.

All my regrets, all my acclaims

The joy and the pain

I'm making them yours

Trees Swaying Outside My Window

What would be better than blogging on a typhoon day home :) HAH after a morning of studying econ...I think I deserve a break. Anyway all I can say is that I'm ever so grateful for a day off during this hectic week. It's only the third week of school =.= but it feels like I've been in school for months already. I'm quite ready for a long weekend.

• For lunch today, I re-read the Doll's House. I'm not a feminist or anything but I am liking that play to the core.
• I'm listening to The Carpenters. (which I'm sure only my mother's generation would listen to, with the exception of Gianne of course)
• Economics is a very interesting subject
• I actually like the gloomy feeling of a typhoon. The wind banging on the window, the rain, everything :) Last night I had trouble sleeping with the typhoon right outside my building, so I listened to Rainy Days and Mondays. Oh, the irony.

There's a kind of hush, all over the world tonight

Happy Birthday Terence

You were born in a zoo

You smell like a monkey

And you look like one too.

haha just joking! =) ♥ ♥
*this was the version we wanted to sing you instead but I guess we were too nice :)*

Anyway happy 17th birthday Terry. Hope you liked the Barbie cake...we customized the white girl for you! If I was lame, I would give you a birthday shout out. But because I'm so cool and we're not people of many words (HA!), I will simply leave it at happy birthday, you are very pretty and thanks for being an awesome friend (when you don't PMS on me). Keep playing your guitar, someday I'll be as good. Since people say we look alike, I'll prove them wrong.

Here's the proof: beauty and the beast HAHAeww. =) anyway hope you have a blast on your actual birthday tomorrow. And since I can't get you a present ON your birthday, this will do?

uhhkay OLIVE JUICE ♥ ♥

BYEBYE & HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN.

I Feel The Fire Burning On Me

Put the gun on my head, I'd still love Him.

So I'm back to school :\ my last year of high school. I am so thankful for the weekend because honestly school is a very draining thing. Anyway this year is off with a very...interesting start. No new students...like what in the world? But congrats MT & Steph for winning the role of class president and chairman! And right now...I'm supposed to be doing my Psychology homework but I guess a break wouldn't hurt :)

Going back to school didn't seem so big of deal...maybe because it never really did feel like I had a summer. That shouldn't sound so bad because this summer was...very very awakening. If I have to sum up the summer in one word, it would be painful. But with pain there comes healing. I am not a sadistic person to myself but I am ever so glad to have gone through what I had to. No doubt I've had sleepless nights. Sleepless nights would be...underrated. But with pain, you run back to that Someone who can make your heart whole again.

*I'm where I need to be*

This is where I want to stay.

So here's a quick update on my senior life :) Please come support if you happen to drop by TST tomorrow! It's a showcase by onestowatch and it should be awesome!

-----edit-----

Hello, it wouldn't hurt to have another update at a time like this. At a time when food isn't ready. Anyway today I had a very interesting talk with mother dearest, about boys. It's almost scary what mothers can sense. "I've always knew he had something for you." or "Doesn't he like a million girls at the same time" or..."I can tell he's the emotional type" Wow, mother. I've developed a new respect for you haha :) Well, moms were young once. Anyway this would be the last update before long...full week of school starting from tomorrow :(

This Is For A Best Friend.

To Carlos Miguel Victoriano Soriano

Hi Miguel, it just hit me that you are leaving in two days. In two days, you'll be part of a new school, new country and a new life. I know I promised not to be emotional and what not. But who can blame me? :) Miguel thank you for 9 years of friendship, next year would be the 10th. If anyone ask me, I can still remember how we became besties. Maybe I'm not pee&undie kind of close with you like your other guy friends (btw I brought you and Mike together you got to admit!) but what we have is like...Piglet and Tigger kind of thing. I'll have to give a whole world of thank you to Edy Wong, who gave me a chance to know you and be there for you. Thus, began our journey :) mehhh we've been through so much together. You've seen the worst side of me...the completely horrible "I want to die" phase of my teenage years haha. There were so many twist and turns in our friendship I don't think anyone would ever understand. With you, I don't mind crying...probably because you'll end up crying with me. Haha remember the phone call when you told me you were leaving...there was more sobbing than talking. Man there is so much good times with you. I still remember you gave me $20 for my birthday once. And I kept all your postcards! :) Thank you for having been a very sweet friend, always there to give a hug, a pat on the back, a thumbs-up. When you get to Prague, please be good. Please be nice but not too nice to the girls...because you know why! Remember all my lectures to you haha! Mehh...I'm going to miss all our talks about guys/girls. We've had so many girl talks that sometimes I forget you're still a guy...the result of living with all females teehee. I hope that stays in you even when you start living with your dad, it's a very unique thing! Bam I don't know what it would be like next year. And YOU! SRC!! -.- that's all I can say. But as any friend would, I wish you all the best next year. Don't forget our many deals, which honestly I don't think you can keep because...well because you're a grown up boy now! =) Did I mention this is a very nice picture of you? :) I even made it...thinner so you look skinnier! haha JOKESSS. you look fine just like that.

Once again, I want to thank you for always being there to listen to me. Thank you for being a leader, a humble servant. One of the things I'll always admire in you is your heart for God. The times you would sit and drink orange juice when everyone else is drinking something else. You might not have a very big body comparing to Channing Tatum...but you have a very big heart. A heart to please Him no matter where you are. Keep that up when you're halfway across the world and I want to see you shine your light all the way from Hong Kong! When I eat ow lam haw I'll think of you. Actually eating will remind me of you because you're fat. I think when we see each other again in 10 years, we'll still be on and on about our fat jokes. Never gets old =D Btw I was looking at the grade9 pictures...back when you were bald. It made me laugh OUT loud. I think it was for Chinese Cinderella or something. Oh yeah, come back every time with a different hairstyle haha! Anyway this is getting too long, if I have anything else to say I will fly an airplane over and tell you. And don't forget about my visit next year =) You will probably meet another Michelle, but none as cool as me. teehee just kidding. Keep in touch aiite? Get a blog, skype, twitter whateverr and EMAIL. take care, keep gyming and live for God. I will miss you =( ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

*people come and go but some will choose to stay right there in your heart*

Romans 8:28 For we know that all things work for the good of those who love Him.

If the Sun Could Have Your Lips

One week till school.

I know this isn't exactly the best way to start a blog...but ehh I'm sorry the truth hurts sometimes (: So before school starts, I'll probably make the most out of my remaining time doing the following few things:

* dance (it's my only form of exercise...haha and believe it or not I feel healthier!)

* finish more than half of my bio20 course blehhh -.-

* shop =)

*see everyone before they leave...if that will ever work out

*visit Stanley

24 hours is just NOT enough for a day. Then again maybe I waste half my day sleeping. Anyway I watched Prom Night last night and it really made me think of my senior banquet in 10 months. Dang, 10 months could pass by so fast. Anyway I don't think I should begin my year thinking about the end of it.

nails are a hassle.

Moving on...I promised adiee I'd dedicate this blog to a random someone. But no =) I think I'll dedicate thise to Miguel instead...who I hate to say is leaving in a few days. Dude I've known you for 10 years. 10 full years. I don't know how I ever survived that. HAHA just kiddingg ♥ I still can't believe you're leaving. But like I promised, I will not make anything emotional =) of you won't stop crying haha! Ehh...all these people leaving is making feel a lil (let's not bother with the AP vocabs) SAD. And honestly going back to school without class09 is going to take awhile to adjust to :\

****************

I never did came back after my night snack. So here it is, my edit. I'm quite in a reflective mood right now. People can reflect on so many things and never arriving at the same destination. Sometimes for a split second, a flashing moment, two people share a moment of mutual understanding. If neither one does anything, that moment passes by like sand running through your fingers. It's quite sad. If only people have the courage to say what they know. Who's to say "what's yours will be yours"? There's a responsibility to knowing, to feeling and to growing. I can sit around waiting forever. But this is different than waiting for your bus to come. When you wait for your bus, you know it's going to show up. But sometimes...you don't know what life will bring you. Let's just say whatever tomorrow brings, He's approved of it.

*Look Into My Eyes & Hear My Song

He is good, God is good.

I promised a long blog today so here goes...

These past two days might have been the longest two days I've had in awhile. I've made a lot of self discovery and discovered that I can be quite a denial queen. As cliche as it may sound, the truth often hurts. Maybe that's why God placed people in my life who can slap me out of love. I can safely say, because of you I have the courage to speak out. And there are those who are always there to make you smile ((: to these people, i give the greatest gratitude. I'm not going to spill out my life story here and dramatize everything. But sometimes life is a drama and things as lame as two best friends lying, fighting and making up do actually happen. Things get in the way and knock you off your feet, but nothing beats a God-given friendship. All I want to say is that I'm thankful for a friend like you... =S This cannot get anymore cheesier. But I'm thankful, I'm really thankful for each and everyone of you. God gives and God takes away. At the end of the day, there's beauty in ashes.

This didn't end up to be very long...but not everything has to be said.

*And now, after all my searching

After all my questions

I'm gonna call it home

Finish up your act.

*it's a little too late for honesty

it's a Sunday afternoon

Seeing that I'm still new to blogspot, I have the urge to blog again (: it's a Sunday afternoon and I'm home because someone cougheugenecough flopped me (his word). Now we're equal. Anyway I watched G.I. Joe and I'll have to say it's a lot better than it looks, possibly because it's Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans heh. They were better together and...yes it's still hard to believe that Channing Tatum is married :( Heads up though, this movie makes you really tired afterwards. There is almost nothing soothing in the entire movie...except for Black Eyed Peas' Boom Boom Pow at the end. Which was a little random haha! Anyway I won't spoil it anymore.

Next I have on my list is still Up...I have absolutely no idea why it's always full when I want to watch it. It's not funny because I've been wanting to watch it for so long. Drag Me to Hell doesn't look so appealing...but since it's a horror movie, I'm sure the pain will worth seeing everyone in their kodak moments (: For those of you who don't want to waste money in theatres, I'll suggest Sister's Keeper. That movie is very very powerful, definitely life changing. He's Just Not That Into You is another movie that will keep you awake the whole time. I watched it on my way back from Canada and it kept me alive!

I've been shopping a little too much lately. But, well...it's hard not to when you spend one day in Elements. For some reason, that mall gives you a whole new perspective to Hong Kong. From their new W Hotel, you see the shimmering & glistening side of the city. The hotel, I'll have to say, is breath-taking. How so? I don't know...it's just not a hotel where you walk to the concierge to get your room then take the elevator up just to sleep. It's...worth the time just walking. Have with you an artistic mind though because everything in there is so...abstractly designed. Anyway if you walk a few streets away from all this glamour, you'll arrive at one of the most run-down parts of Hong Kong. From there you might meet some of the poorest people in this city. I passed by them on my way home and I can't help but feel a little...bothered.
The irony of prosperity.

the feeling...hmmm (:

It's funny how we always happen to see things we're not supposed to. Or worse, have them replay in your mind over and over again. I hate it when that happens. It's almost as if you were meant to see those things that break your heart into a million more pieces. Meant to, not supposed to. Haha I'm sorry this is going to be one of those "what the heck is she talking about" blog =P But lately lots of things have been running through my mind and I found myself a little jaded. I can't tell what I'm feeling. A lot of things have happened this summer and I no longer ask why they happened. I'm beginning to see, here & there, the divine purpose behind it. What more can I say? I'm content.

Just a few more weeks =.=

things I got to do before then:

- watch UP

- see Eugene (ugh) haha! I'm kidding I know you're reading this

- fix my strumming

and uhh...I'm outt (:

freedom ride

I just can't stay away from blogs.
I wasn't gonna give into blogspot...but who can blame me ((: I have friends who are constantly showing me their blogs & the temptation adds on. I guess i'm the kind of person who needs a place to let my little world roam free. Well, this is as much as blogging goes tonight. Don't think i'll be sleeping in an hour or two...my biological clock is still messed up.
It just hit me, school's in three weeks...or something like that. And two more weeks left with Miguel. Ugh. I promised I won't make it emotional. Pinky promise (:

*good night, world.

*it's love on a lifeline