Today I've had many firsts.

First time waking up at 7 am willingly by myself.

First time riding in a limousine.

First time going to a funeral.

First time seeing a dead body up close.

First time seeing my cousins cry.

All these "firsts" aren't necessarily pleasant experiences.

Even riding in a limo...was a bit of a pain...

I had to sit backwards.

Life is full of many many "firsts".

In many circumstances we can choose, who to give our firsts to.

But the times when we can't choose, we can only choose to accept.

I've accepted that you are gone.

But acceptance doesn't take away how much I miss you.

Acceptance doesn't take away the pain of separation.

First Post From Canada

Since my arrival I have been doing nothing but eat and sleep.

I was pondering upon my laziness and why it is the case

And I came to the conclusion that the big difference between Canada and the 852

Is that Hong Kong runs on time.

There is only one clock in the house here.

In Hong Kong, the clock rules our life.

The mentality of doing doing and doing

Is almost nonexistent here.

Don't get me wrong, I miss Hong Kong.

Big time.

I miss every single one of you.

When I left I can't help but think, this feels just like another vacation.

But in truth, I am not going to be back anytime soon.

This, where I am right now, is going to be my habitat

For the next 4 months.

Tears, so commonly thought of as a sign of weakness,

Requires so much strength to be allowed out.

I found that it is so much easier to be indifferent.

To be emotionless. To not feel any pain.

It is easy to push aside feelings.

But once you do, your heart begins to harden.

You begin to forget the joy in tears. The joy in pain.

You begin to forget the beauty in ashes.

But if you look deep within you,

There is a part of you that you try to ignore.

The weak part of your heart that you try to hide.

You begin to think you are strong.

But you are not.

Because in truth, you are only avoiding.

You are only running away.

The valley of the shadow of death

Sometimes might not be a literal path

But the dark roads in your heart.

The part of you that you are afraid to walk through.

But He promised, He will never leave or abandon you.

His rod and his staff, they comfort you.

In the midst of all transitions and adjustments

There is one thing I can rely on.

I am thankful that God is not only the God of Hong Kong

But the God of this world.

He is here as much as he is there.

He is moving here as much as he is there.

So much uncertainty, yet so much assurance

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust."

"If you make the Most High your dwelling -

even the Lord, who is my refuge -

then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you

in all your ways."

Psalm 91

The heart of God is vibrant.

It burns, passionately.

The heart of God is on fire.

The easy way out is to live with indifference.

But the narrow way is to take on His heart.

The narrow way is the way Home.

Wouldn't it be easier, if we don't hide our feelings?

Wouldn't things be much simpler, if we can say what we truly feel?

I wish people don't hide behind masks.

And I wish we can see the people we want to see, anytime we want.

I wish the world was the size of Hong Kong, so that no place is more than 30 minutes away.

I wish you could have a snapshot of my heart, so that you can see the room I reserved for you.

I wish you knew how much you mean to me.

I wish you knew how real it was for me.

And I wish I had the chance to tell you..

Fashioned for the very fabric of God

I was made for loving You.

Tears make my heart soft

I am ready for the return of the Lover.

This heart has long been hardened.

And life...life is not telling me to soften it up.

Life is telling me to build a fortress, a wall of defense.

For a long time, I fought being vulnerable.

Emotions are soon forgotten.

Good days are hard to distinguish

When I fought all the bad days.

I fought the storm

I fought the rain

And I never tasted the sunshine.

I breathed a prayer to You

I wanted to feel again.

And you took from me what was dear to me.

You asked from me, what was most precious to me.

As you asked Abraham to lay down his son on the altar

You asked from me.

As You did, You opened my eyes.

You won my heart.

I can be vulnerable, safely vulnerable.

Someone told me a story today

Of a man who has conquered everyone.

He who has conquered everything

Is a lonely man.

He stands aloof on top of everyone else

And there is no one beside him to share his joy.

A man who has everything

Has nothing to live for.

Nothing to strive for.

I am not a person to shop on impulse

But I do shop for a lot of unnecessary things.

Seeing that I am leaving in exactly a week

I attempted to insanely-shop these few days.

And I found that shopping is a lot like...life?

There are clothes that are simply...not worth it.

Even if you are momentarily north and south pole attracted to it

If something isn't worth it, it won't last long.

Once you put something down, walk away.

Walk away and don't ponder what you've lost.

Know that you will find something better.

Something that will be equally...breath-taking.

Never shop on impulses.

Most of the time you realize later on that you were stupid.

Wasted money and wasted time.

The money you wasted could have been spent on something

Truly worthwhile, truly unique.

Something that only you will have.

Don't go for something everyone wants and will eventually have.

Don't. Go. For. The. Eye. Candy.

The clothes should make you stand out.

You don't want people's eyes to be on your clothes

And not you.

Well I guess in some ways you do,

But ultimately, the real flavor is inside of you

Clothes can only define you so much.

Don't try to satisfy yourself.

Because you never will.

Sometimes you think you want it bad.

A lot of times you are probably wrong.

If you can remain loyal to it for a period of time

Then I guess you do want it bad.

When you have everything,

There is nothing to strive for.

Time, hence, is a very good test.

For loyalty,

And your heart.