For those who still check my blog, I've sorta moved!

http://michiiee.tumblr.com/

https://michelloo.wordpress.com/

Lately I found myself drawn to my corner of distrust.

In truth, so much has been happening -

Not just in my life, but around me.

Looking back, it feels as though I have been here for years already

I would love to write down everything that is happening

But words cannot contain what's in my heart.

Words can no longer keep up with this whirlpool of thoughts.

In journalism class, we talked about the public space on the internet.

And one of the ideals of the internet is that it's accessible.

But lately...

I just want to retrieve.

2+2=4

Today the question to my heart was answered.

And for...not the first time in my life,

I feel a wee-bit stupid about being a human.

But I've learned that our stupidity only reflects His wisdom

As greater, as better, as...well sweeter.

For the first time listening to the words:

"You're the constant of my equation,

The never changing lover of my soul..."

I realize I am the passive receiver of this never changing love.

It is not that I will never change - although I wish that was the way I am.

But the truth is, the never changing love is more from Him to me

Than it is from me to Him.

And I needed to know this.

Because that assures me something I thought I've always knew...

that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,

neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ.

What part of nothing do you not understand?

Sometimes I think we find it so hard to believe

Because this simple truth is too good to be true.

But hey, that's as true as 2+2=4.

You can tell me the answer is 5...

But your opinion does not change the truth He has whispered into my heart.

O Envious One

To love and not be loved in return -

That pain, that agony, that jealousy

How do You stand it?

How do You stand my faithlessness?

How do You do still remain so faithful, so loving...

So in love with someone as unworthy as me?

Why do I settle for a flower when I can enjoy the whole garden?

I think somewhere along the road,

I lost count, I lost beat, I lost the rhythm.

I lost sight of Your eyes.

I look back to the days of my youth

And know for a fact that it is by Your love that I'm still here

It is by Your grace that I can still love.

I can forgive.

Can my heart cry any louder -

All that I want is to sit at Your feet

And nothing more.

Let my heart rest...

At the sound of Your heartbeat.

Let me love You more

More and more and more and more

But before that, love me.

I let You win.

I let Love win.

I want to break this before you again and again and again and again.

Until I have my eyes on You again.

I'm not going anywhere

Until there is nothing else in my sight

But Jesus.

Give me Him.

Today I had an Apple

It was a huge Fuji apple.

I peeled it with full anticipation -

It looked juicy, delicious and sweet.

I took a few big bites and they were satisfying.

After a bowl of oatmeal,

This apple was almost like an oasis in the desert.

Until I reached the core.

It was rotten and grey.

I did not see that it was rotten

And so I devoured bits of the rotten core.

It was bitter and so revolting that I had to spit it out.

The first thing that I checked was to see if a worm will come out of it

Like they do in children books...

But this got me thinking a lot of things.

I hated that feeling when I found out this seemingly delicious apple

Is rotten in the core.

I tasted betrayal, disappointment and...

I wondered how He feels

When He looks down and see hands raising up high

When we walk around with our cross necklaces

When we greet each other in church

I wonder what He sees when He looks beyond all that I do, all that I say

I hate to be found rotten in the core

So bitter that I have to be spat out.

I want to be an apple that's real, inside and out.

And I hope that you delight in me

A sweet aroma pleasing to You.

He is jealous.

Every time my heart beats with unfaithfulness,

He is jealous for me.

Every time my eyes look elsewhere

He is jealous for my heart.

I don't think I realize

To what great extent He is ravished by me.

Every time I think something else can make me happy

I forget the One who can complete me, altogether.

There is nothing else I need

Nothing that can satisfy me.

Nothing that can quench the longing of my heart.

Take my heart, sweet me off my feet

Steal my heart and make it beat for You.

I don't want to settle for good

When I can have the taste of best.

I was made to walk with you in the cool of the day

Let me be found doing just that.

All things come to an end.

The banana that I'm eating will eventually just be a banana peel

The pink highlighter that I'm using will eventually dry out.

I will eventually be dust.

What doesn't come to an end?

A circle.

This post reflects exactly the state of my mind

Whatever you think that is.

I feel a little bit stupid

But at least you can't say I didn't try.

I wish we never have to say goodbyes.

Today I lost a friend.

But I shall gain two more.

Don't throw your pearls to swines.

The world seems mute to my questions.

All I have is questions.

Questions without answers.

Silence in the midst of an upheaval cry.

Silence in the midst of an impatient churn.

All I have is silence to a question.

After Everything...

I realize the deepest human cry is to be romanced by the King of the Ages

To dance through the night after His lead

And getting lost in His eyes.

These repetitive trips of coming and going has left me a little tired

Life to me has never been so fleeting, so inconstant.

For all my life, I knew what to expect.

I knew the people I would see when I wake up

All the places I would go to make life "normal".

I don't even know what normal is anymore.

Where is home? Is it still as physical as home can be?

I'm not so sure.

All I know is that in this life, many things will fade away.

"Melodies and harmonies will change...but I'm hearing a new song"

I knew this song when I was very young, perhaps when I was in 7th grade.

But I never understood it.

I never knew You have a love song.

I never knew of Your beauty.

I never knew You are so passionate for me.

I never knew life is a dance

And how much You want to take the lead

Bring me to places I cannot imagine with my best imaginations.

The more I grow up, the more I realize growing up means letting go.

Letting go of the past, letting go of "what-if's"

And embracing the what is.

Hong Kong, full of people - but so empty.

Empty lives pass by Central, they aren't just in the street corners,

But in the life of the city.

Empty stares, empty smiles.

I realize I fear just...living life.

I don't want to just live through this life.

I don't want to bear the days I'm given.

I want to really live.

To breathe every breath with a meaning.

I don't want to just graduate, get a job, get married, have kids and die.

I don't want to just live.

How much more emphasis can I place on that statement?

I watched "Going the Distance" on my way back to Vancouver.

Thinking back to such a...foul movie

I realize how much this relationship with Jesus is like a long-distance relationship.

To embrace intimacy, to pursue satisfaction

At least one person has to give up everything to chase the other person

But what happens when one person gives up everything

Is that she eventually resents him for making her do that.

But my Lover...well my Lover gave up Himself for me.

Before I knew him, before I loved him back - He died for me.

He loved me with an everlasting Love.

He gave up everything to chase me.

I'm not giving up to get nothing in return.

I'm giving up everything to have Him.

I'm giving up everything to have everything.

When you truly love someone, there is no holding back.

To go that distance, it's almost like you need to close your eyes and fall back.

Knowing that what you fall back to is His hands, His arms.

Don't ever let go my Jesus.

"In You, I find my all and my emptiness"

Yeah, it's ironic - but it all makes sense.

To a friend I promised to blog when I am in Hong Kong,

This is for you:

我的心中不再失落


因你的慈愛永存在


在我一生中的每個時刻


你從不曾離開我



雖然天空完全黑暗


烏雲充滿我的眼光


面對著風浪

一切的困難


你從不曾離開我

與我同在



雖然有千人仆倒在我身旁


你仍是我生命唯一救主


雖然有萬人仆倒在我的右邊
我不至動搖 因耶穌仍同在

你與我同在 你與我同在

詩91:7 雖有千人仆倒在你旁邊、萬人仆倒在你右邊、這災卻不得臨近你。

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are my ways higher than your ways

And my thoughts than your thoughts."

I'm not too sure who follows this blog -

But for those who do and have gotten a strange Facebook message from my friend regarding my mom, I shall tell of God's sovereignty.

On thursday night I got a call from my aunt who said that my dad could not find my mom in Taiwan. Her plane should have landed at around 7pm Vancouver time but we could not contact her for three - almost four hours. My aunt kept calling to see if I heard anything from my dad and my mind began to race - I began to cry. In between my tears I tried to pray. In between my wild imaginations, I knew there was a small voice in my head - "Be still and know that I am God". But being still was the last thing I could do that night. For almost an hour there was nothing from my mom nor my dad and my head went through all the possibilities as to why my mom is missing. As my friend was praying with me, I found myself struggling to say I trust you God. After my friend pray, I started to pray. I don't remember what I prayed but I do remember at the moment I said "Lord I trust you, you know what you are doing" - the moment after that my dad called on the other line and my mom asks, "Why are you still awake, don't you have an exam tomorrow?" Thank you dear friend, your prayers are powerful =)

For the second time that day, I found myself speechless before the Lord. Looking back, I feel bad for having so many people worried for me. But because of this incident, I am brought to humility before others and most importantly - before Him. What do I know of faith? What do I know of God's wisdom and his plans? Who am I to question Him, who am I to worry? That night I could not go to sleep and at around 12:00am I received an email. It's an email from a daily devotions I subscribed to a long time ago. For some reason they stopped sending me daily devotions but on this particular day I received an email from them. The topic of day was "Do not worry". I cannot explain to you how I felt at that moment, but my heart leaped. I was afraid - at the power of God, at his sovereignty and at his never failing protection over me. Fear in the Lord comes with reverence; it comes with understanding and seeing His nature and his might. When you see the Lord for who he is, you should fear. Moses fell on his knees before the consuming fire. But to know that this almighty God loves us, to know that he still loves me even after I have proved myself so unfaithful, so doubtful - that is too much for me to understand. To love someone so imperfect as me...only God can do it.

In times of trouble, God looks for a still heart. Man looks at actions, the Lord looks at our hearts. It took my dad almost an hour later to find my mom, it took me almost an hour later to place my trust in Him. But hey, who else do you trust, if not the God of this universe, the God who holds all things?

The God who will always, always, always be faithful.

If only you knew...

How violently, how radically, how powerfully

He is in love with us, ravished by our hearts

Drawn to our presence.

How he is jealous of you

How much he desires you

If only you knew...

That this is forever

This is a promise, a commitment that runs through eternity.

Then your life would never be the same again.

A friend once asked me who I miss the most being away from home.

My initial response, of course, was my parents.

But as the day of departure is drawing closer

I'm giving that question a second thought.

Not to say that I miss my parents any less

But friends, faces...

Faces flashed in the back of my head -

Faces I had not expected to come up.

In fact, I had not been thinking of these faces in awhile...

But as they flash before my eyes, there was a warm bubbling feeling.

A feeling of excitement, anticipation and yearning.

And I've come to prove the old saying

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

As I try to draw out the details of these faces,

I tried to recall the last time I talked to them.

It's been so long...

I have never been a huge fan of...technology.

I think many of you have heard me say that life is better without Facebook.

I think nowadays, keeping in touch has become so easy that the meaning is lost.

It used to be just...keeping in touch, with the people you really want to keep in touch.

With such a wide web of connections, it's almost like you're obliged to keep in touch

With, well, literally everyone you once knew.

But as I pondered over these faces,

Warm memories swarmed in my mind.

And I realize, you don't need to talk all the time with your friends.

You don't need to do anything, so deliberately - not saying effort isn't required.

But a friendship goes both ways

When there is a mutual anticipation

You can pick up where you had both left off

And nothing would have changed.

It's like trying to hitchhike a ride...

A man of many companions may come to ruin,

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

- Proverbs 24:18.

Here's to my dearly missed family, in blood and in Jesus' blood.

(And to the one sleeping like a swine on my bed...)

Today is one of those days...

Lord, at the end of the day

You know me best.

To think that I have my best interest in mind...

Well well well...what do I know of "best".

To think that I can run after you with all these baggages dragging behind me

What do I know of flying?

What do you know of soaring, my child?

He will fight your storms

All You want is for me to gaze upon your beauty

Not running back and forth

Wondering if you fixed my life for me.

To be lost in your eyes...

遵主命令尋求主面，信主言語靠主宏恩，

一切掛慮全交託主，歡喜等候禱告良辰。

有捨就有得

To gain is to lose

To live is to die

I wish I would die so You can live.

In 22 days, we will need to say goodbye to year 2010.

Looking back, this year is so full of ups and downs

No doubt, it's been a difficult year...

Graduating, going to university, moving away from home

And perhaps losing relationships that have been so dear to me.

But the Lord has been so good, so faithful.

He gives and he takes.

I don't know what else to call this but the path of grace.

The path flowing with his unmerited love, his underserving grace to my life

Every step of the way, he says "My grace is sufficient."

What else do you need?

你是我的主.引我走正義路.

高山或低谷.都是你在保護.

萬人中唯獨.你愛我認識我.

永遠不變的應許.這一生都是祝福.

一步又一步.這是恩典之路.

你愛.你手.將我緊緊抓住.

一步又一步.這是盼望之路.

你愛.你手.牽引我走這人生路.

I don't want to create opportunities anymore

I don't You to come after me.